Jones Soda -Jones Jumble Review
Crazy mosaic of Jones-ness decorates the bottle
Greetings, Libationers! Today I’m tackling an interesting flavor contender by Jones Soda. First off, props to Jones for getting off the HFCS (high-fructose corn syrup) bandwagon way back in ‘06. That switch is the reason we can review their sodas – as you know, we don’t dig the HFCS. But alas, while Jones does offer interesting soda flavors, it is still just flavored sugar-water, with no actual fruit juice or significant vitamins to sweeten the deal. (At least this is the case with this particular flavor. We did reviews of their new GABA line, which were a different story). And wow, there is a lot of sugar in this thing. 46 grams for one 12-ounce bottle – that’s 15 teaspoons of sugar in this one bottle, people!
OK, with that said, let’s get down to business. I crack open the multicolored bottle, and it explodes a cloud of fruity mist all over my face. I must have shaken it up on the way back from the fridge. It does give me an immediate sense of the beverage’s smell, however, which is acutely indescribable. It’s like… it’s like… ow. My brain is crying out in protest as I try to pluck out a single word to assign this product. I have to break out the big guns for this one – excuse me while I grab a wine glass.
OK, here we go. I swirl and sniff and swirl some more, trying to take it all in. Hang on… OK, I think I have something. I can’t produce a specific word for this stuff, so you’ll have to make do with a metaphor. Imagine every kind of fruity candy and bubblegum that you see at your grocery store’s checkout stand. Now imagine the checkout stands of all the grocery stores from all across the world. With me? OK, now all of those candies are placed in a single giant blender somewhere in northern Texas. Hit “frappe” on that thing, and take a big whiff of the resulting product. Yeah. It’s like that.
Even the color is strange on this liquid. It’s a translucent greenish color, like pond water in sunlight.
After all the drama that came from just smelling this stuff, I’m afraid to actually put it in my mouth! I might break something in my tongue. But no, I must press on, for the greater good! Here goes nothing…
Ow, my brain… so many flavors… arghh…
I don’t know what the long-term effects of this thing will be… If I don’t make another post within a week’s time, please, someone send out a rescue crew.
Rating: 3.0 out of 5 – Loaded with sugar, but good when you need a thorough mind-blow.
-Danithius- (I think?)
User Rating: 
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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