Better Libations | Healthy Drink Reviews

Howdy, enlightened libation seekers!  Today I’m fresh off a session of Kenpo and ready for my next Zico contender: Tao Mango.  (The logical next step in the tropical fruit spectrum, of course!)  I’m thirsty and covered in sweat, so let’s skip the pleasantries and get right to it.

Aroma: Mango tang!  I love it when drinks nail the nuances of fruit flavors, and it smells like Tao Mango is right on track.  It smells of that citrus-y tropical bite you get when cutting into a real mango.   

Taste: Coco-mango!  The flavor turned out to be a lot lighter and smoother than the scent led me to believe.  I believe the coconut water has something of a muting, smoothing effect on other flavors that results in something totally new. Evidently when mango and coconut water are combined, you get a bonus banana-like flavor that also springs up to say hi.  I am surprised that the distinct mango tang that I smelled turned out to be mostly absent in the taste, though.

Health Factor: 12 g of sugar in the whole 14 ounce bottle.  Tons of potassium and other vitamins and minerals.  All-natural.  No fat.  Need I say more? 

Overall:  As you may have noticed from previous nitpickings, I’m something of a purist when it comes to drink flavorings.  I dearly appreciate companies that can get spot on flavor profiles.  This flavor is a worthy nod to mango, but at the same time I can tell that it is indeed a flavoring – something that was concocted by a research lab somewhere.  It feels a bit hollow, like it’s missing that distinct bite of a real mango.  It’s still tasty and quite refreshing, don’t get me wrong.  The flavorings in this are all natural.  But the thing is, for a perfect 5 star drink I really want to be WOWed by the flavor profile.  (See: Zico Chocolate)

Rating: 4.0 out of 5

-Danithius-

User Ratings: (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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4-Star Reviews, Zico Coconut Water coconut water, drink reviews, no added sugar, reviews

Crazy mosaic of Jones-ness decorates the bottle

Greetings, Libationers!  Today I’m tackling an interesting flavor contender by Jones Soda.  First off, props to Jones for getting off the HFCS (high-fructose corn syrup) bandwagon way back in ’06.  That switch is the reason we can review their sodas – as you know, we don’t dig the HFCS.  But alas, while Jones does offer interesting soda flavors, it is still just flavored sugar-water, with no actual fruit juice or significant vitamins to sweeten the deal.  (At least this is the case with this particular flavor.  We did reviews of their new GABA line, which were a different story).  And wow, there is a lot of sugar in this thing.  46 grams for one 12-ounce bottle – that’s 15 teaspoons of sugar in this one bottle, people!

OK, with that said, let’s get down to business.  I crack open the multicolored bottle, and it explodes a cloud of fruity mist all over my face.  I must have shaken it up on the way back from the fridge.  It does give me an immediate sense of the beverage’s smell, however, which is acutely indescribable.  It’s like… it’s like… ow.  My brain is crying out in protest as I try to pluck out a single word to assign this product.  I have to break out the big guns for this one – excuse me while I grab a wine glass.

OK, here we go.  I swirl and sniff and swirl some more, trying to take it all in.  Hang on… OK, I think I have something.  I can’t produce a specific word for this stuff, so you’ll have to make do with a metaphor.  Imagine every kind of fruity candy and bubblegum that you see at your grocery store’s checkout stand.  Now imagine the checkout stands of all the grocery stores from all across the world.  With me?  OK, now all of those candies are placed in a single giant blender somewhere in northern Texas.  Hit “frappe” on that thing, and take a big whiff of the resulting product.  Yeah.  It’s like that.

Even the color is strange on this liquid.  It’s a translucent greenish color, like pond water in sunlight.

After all the drama that came from just smelling this stuff, I’m afraid to actually put it in my mouth!  I might break something in my tongue.  But no, I must press on, for the greater good!  Here goes nothing…

Ow, my brain… so many flavors… arghh…

I don’t know what the long-term effects of this thing will be… If I don’t make another post within a week’s time, please, someone send out a rescue crew.

Rating: 3.0 out of 5 – Loaded with sugar, but good when you need a thorough mind-blow.

-Danithius- (I think?)

User Rating: (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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3-Star Reviews, Jones Soda Co. drink reviews, reviews