Better Libations | Healthy Drink Reviews

Alright, folks, time to try another soda from oogave.  (Check out our other oogave reviews).  Today I’m trying their cola flavor – the benchmark flavor of any self-respecting soda company.  I wonder how it’ll stack up.  Side note: my current favorite is the surprisingly complex Red Bull Cola – it tickles my fancy as a chef with its unique ingredients, and the flavor tickles my tongue like a good cola should.

I crack open the bottle and am greeted by a peculiar fragrance – something between a root beer, a cola, and a bite of something I can’t quite put my finger on… let’s see how this comes out in the flavor.

Well, the bite part came through a little bit, but not so much on the root beer and cola flavors.  In fact, it’s hard to pick up any distinct flavors in this.  How can I best describe it?  It’s flat.  Hollow.  It has no real body and a weak, astringent finish.  It lacks the sweetness of the other flavors (all of oogave’s current flavors have 24 grams of sugar per 12 oz bottle, and most of them do very well with that relatively small amount.)  It doesn’t say “cola” to me, nor does it remind me of any soda flavor.  It’s like very watered-down molasses mixed with citric acid.

Rating: 2.0 out of 5 - Healthy concept, but the flavor just isn’t there.

-Danithius-

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2-Star Reviews, oogave

Please welcome the belated poster-drink of the “Me Generation”!  I found this tangerine-pineapple flavored beverage cylinder amongst its equally brightly-colored brothers on the shelf of my local health food store.  As I always do when encountering new drinks, I flipped it over and checked the ingredients.  And the primary sweetener was: fructose!  Not high-fructose corn syrup, mind you.  Just fructose.  Eyebrows raised, I read on.  They also used 13% juice concentrate, some erythritol, and something called “oligofructose” as additional sweeteners.  (My eyebrows went up even further when I saw the last one.)  I did some preliminary research on oligofructose over a few different sites, and I didn’t find any negative health claims.  Evidently it’s supposed to be good for the ol’ colon, and it doesn’t add many calories, if any.

And the grand total for all of these sweeteners was: 17 grams for a 10 oz can.  Not too shabby.  So how does the flavor measure up?

Well, all I can say is that this is an incredibly tame tangerine-pineapple flavor.  It tastes like very lightly flavored, lightly sweetened seltzer water.  I want to taste the tropical bite of the pineapple, and the distinct citrus notes from the tangerine.  I want them to come out and hit me square in the taste buds, not skulk around in the aftertaste. And the flavor notes that I do manage to pick up have that distinct “from concentrate” feel to them.

One section of the can has a little blurb praising all things “me”.  Here’s a couple lines:

“You can be energetic, reflective, outgoing, moody, surprising, and unashamed.  You don’t fit a category – you are unique.  Now there is a beverage as natural and refreshing as you.”

While I am thankful for the “you are special” blurb on the side of the can, what I need first and foremost from my drink is to taste good, not to suck up to me. This drink isn’t bad, per se, it just has nothing memorable about it.  This beverage is supposed to serve as a living metaphor for someone’s unique personality?  I can’t help but wonder what personality they based it on.  Librarians*?

You can check out their site at www.findyourme.com to see bright colors and new ways to revel in your sassy, unique personality.  They have a personality quiz that will match you with your “Me” flavor.  Evidently I should have bought “Curiosity” – maybe I should reserve judgment until I try the flavor that was genetically engineered for me?  …nah.

Rating: 2.0 out of 5 – It’s all about health and flavor, and this just didn’t deliver on the latter.

-Danithius-

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*Librarians of the world, forgive me for using a cliched stereotype.  I know there are plenty of deeply interesting librarians out there.  Feel free to replace the word “librarian” with whatever stereotype librarians like to make fun of.

2-Star Reviews, Me drink reviews

I contracted a cold sometime during the past 24 hours, and I am currently bombarding my immune system with everything I have, hoping something drives away whatever nasty bacteria or virus has turned my throat into a petri dish.  Having had plenty of tea already, I decided to break out this Green Tea Soda to see if the 35 mg of EGCG would have any effect.

I can already tell we’re going to have a carbonation problem here; it’s so strong it downplays the tea and tangerine scents right out of the can.  Taking a swig, I get a mouthful of bubbles that subside into an awkwardly fizzy green tea flavor, then comes the tangerine, sweet and timid.  Even after I shook most of the carbonation out of the can, the flavors really don’t pop out, vanishing quickly and leaving me with a vague, orangy-sweet taste in my mouth.

The sugar seems a little high, 44 g per can, but the sweetness is just about right for this mixture.  The only other thing this brings with it is the antioxidants, no vitamins or even a drop of juice, just fruit and tea extracts and cane sugar.  Overall I was not impressed with this soda, and I don’t believe tea should be carbonated, especially to this degree.

Score: 2.5 out of 5. Weak flavors and waaay too much carbonation ruin this tea soda.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Hansen's drink reviews, green tea

Hey there, Libationers!  Sorry for our abscence, but WiseGuise and I were attending a prestigious international black-tie beverage gala.  What, you’ve never heard of such a thing?  Well obviously they have to be held with the utmost secrecy – those damn paparazzi would have a field day if they knew about it!

Now it’s time for another entry from Honest Tea.  This sultry bottle of Citrus Spice Decaf caught my eye from the top shelf at the grocery store, and I knew then and there I had to have it!  Sweet citrus and savory spices combined with decaffinated black tea – just looking at it made me all warm and fuzzy.

Aroma – I crack it open and am met with the deep savory smell of cinnamon and cloves with hints of the orange and black tea background.

Taste – The complex splash of orange spice flavor is quickly overpowered by the bitterness of the black tea (or possibly some of the spices).  That bitterness short-circuits my tongue’s flavor receptors for a couple seconds, and then it slowly yields to the longer-lasting clove, cinnamon, and cardamom tastes.  There is a ton of spice in this bottle – you can actually see large bits of it floating everywhere within the glass bottle.

Have you ever tasted straight cinnamon or clove powder?  Sure, they smell great, but if you eat them straight, you’re in for a bitter, nasty surprise.  The sheer amount of spice in this bottle plus the natural bitterness of black tea make for quite a wallop.  Combine that with the overall lack of sugar content (a miniscule 5g per 8oz serving), and you have one seriously bitter brew.  If you like your coffee, tea, and liquor straight up, then you could probably handle it.  If you’re one of those pansies like me who wants a little cream and sugar, you should probably stick with the “just a tad sweet” entries.

To Honest Tea, I would recommend either more sugar to compensate for the bitter flavor, or the addition of other flavors to minimize (or at least compete with) the bitterness.  I know it’s weird to have a healthy drink blog ask for more sugar, but you must remember, we’re all about the perfect combination of health and flavor.

Rating: 2.5/5 – a solid premise, but just too bitter on delivery.

-Danithius-

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2-Star Reviews, Honest Tea drink reviews

Aroma: Slightly honeyed carbonated water.

Taste: A rather weak ginger flavor with a slight hit of honey.

Price: $1.15 at a local health food store. Available nationwide at Whole Foods, Wild Oats, and a whole bunch of other national stores.

Ingredients: Purified carbonated water, honey, citric acid, oil of lemon, orange, and ginger.

Other Comments: I found this old draft kicking around in my queue and figured I’d finally hit the “publish” key.  It’s been there for a looooong time now, so my memory is scant, I just remember it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Rating: 2.0/5 stars.

-Danithius-

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2-Star Reviews, Dr. Tima

Snapple's ties to Dharma remain shrouded in mystery

Here’s Snapple’s “me too!” for the “Enhanced Water” beverage category.  This one only uses regular sugar and fruit juice, which is a good thing.  It has 11g per cup, about 27g per bottle.  Not too bad.  Let’s pop it open.

It smells like grapeskin and liquid smarties.  That’s the first thing that jumped to my mind, seriously.  Has anyone thought of marketing liquid smarties?  Billion dollar idea, my friend.  You’re welcome.

And the flavor?  It makes me stand up and deliver a solid “Meh”.  There is almost no sweetness, and it’s topped by a nearly undetectable berry flavor.  It has a bit of after-pucker, too – a lingering sour sensation in the back of your throat that’s likely from the grapeseed extract.    Pretty much, it’s water with pucker.

Look Snapple, I won’t condemn you for learning from other companies and trying to emulate their success.  That’s part of business.  But one word of advice – if you’re going to jump on a bandwagon, you have to bring something more interesting than everyone else, not less.  You have to improve on the product in some significant way.  Otherwise you’ll just be that one smelly guy on the wagon that no one wants to sit by.  And no one wants that.

Rating: 2/5 – It has some good ingredients, but the flavor fizzles out bigtime.

-Danithius-

User Reviews – (1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)
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2-Star Reviews, Snapple drink reviews

Talking Rain in the dark

Even after my last dismal review of a Talking Rain beverage, we have had more luck with the Twist line, and seeing this marionberry flavor depressed and alone on the shelf, I decided to give them another chance.

The marionberry is a type of blackberry, for those unfamiliar with the fruit.  Not to be confused with Marion Barry, a politician famously arrested on drug charges (early nineties, kids).  There is in fact a very potent, sweet berry scent wafting from the bottle, quite reminiscent of blackberries.  A hint of sour is also palpable.

Upon taking a swig, I noticed an all too familiar tartness that stayed with the whole mouthful, and then a hint of the marionberry.  The pineapple filler juice is also evident.  The sour taste comes from a dash of malic acid, because I didn’t need to enjoy the milder berry flavor, apparently.  Malic acid is how they make you pucker up from all those super-sour candies.  I’m not sure why they added this, possibly assuming the miniscule bit of berry juice used would equal the tartness of a real mouthful of berries.  They seem to forget that that isn’t what you want here.

Well, it seems my faith was misplaced again, and although it was completely drinkable, I don’t think it was exactly what it could have been.  Talking Rain may need to work a little bit on their flavor department.

Score: 2.5 out of 5.  Weak on flavor, too much sour.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Talking Rain drink reviews, Talking Rain

South of Las Vegas

I’m fond of this company for making original, tasty beverages, and remaining independent.  We’ve reviewed them before, and after happening upon this in a discount isle, I couldn’t say no.  Well, I could have, but that wouldn’t have been very nice of me.  I opened this up on the outskirts of Vegas on our return trip from San Diego, about six hours into our drive, after reluctantly giving up control of the vehicle to my brother.  I figured I would need some energy to stay alert through the rest of the trip.

This drink has a sweet, citrus-y scent, with a stronger, plant/bark smell when shaken up.  This is not surprising, considering the host of unconventional herbal supplements inside, most of which I have never heard of.  The taste is rather disconcerting, it reminds me of that syrupy, semi-sweet energy-drink taste, and I can detect no hint of the tangerine alluded to on its label.  It’s also rather drying of the tongue.  This does not bode well for this beverage.

As to the ‘energy’ claims of the drink, about thirty minutes after finishing it, I noticed only a slightly elevated energy level, but I had already consumed a 24 oz can of tea earlier, and then an ‘energy enhanced’ candy bar.  Sugar comes in at 28 g per 16 oz bottle.

Although this is not nearly as intolerable as most other energy drinks, it was still too reminiscent of that genre for me to fully enjoy.  I wish I liked this as much as some of their other fine beverages.

Score: 2 out of 5.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Function drink reviews, independent company

***Note: this is a review of the pre-2009 version of Zevia’s Natural Twist.  See the other Zevia reviews to find a review of  the new reformulated flavor.***

Smells like sprite lite!

This stuff is sweetened with Stevia, an herb extract that was banned by the FDA, reportedly after receiving one anonymous complaint.  Hmm… I wonder if that call could be traced back to the Corn Refiners Association.  Anyway, check out the Orange flavor for a more detailed exploration of the Stevia topic.

Down to business.  While I’m an advocate of Stevia use (especially when compared to other artificial sweeteners on the market), it has to be used right.  If you don’t have the right flavor to begin with, it doesn’t matter what you use to sweeten it, you’ll still end up with a subpar finished product.  This drink had an off aftertaste, and hardly any citrus flavor, or any flavor at all, for that matter.  The lemon and lime flavor could be much more pronounced.  Nay, they must be more pronounced for a beverage that’s trying to subvert the diet drink market!  I’ve tasted lemongrass teas that had stronger flavor than this.  There’s no punch, and it leaves a bit of phlegm buildup in the back of your throat.

Again, I love the idea of getting away from heavy sugar use, but you still have to sport sufficient flavor to give me and the rest of the population a reason to switch to you.  If I was dieting and I had a choice between this and water, I’d go with water.  For the narrow segment of people that want something fizzy without any sugar and without chemical-based artificial sweeteners, this may do the trick.  But I warn you, Zevia, they’d be fair-weather consumers at best!  As soon as another Stevia option comes along with a halfway decent flavor, you’ll be wondering where your sales revenues have gone.

I love what you’re trying to do, but you could be so much more than than what you are now!  With the right flavors on your side, you could make something that would woo all soda drinkers into your sweet herbal embrace!

Rating 2.0/5 – great potential, but this particular entry fizzes out.

- Danithius -

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2-Star Reviews, Zevia drink reviews, Stevia, Zevia

This is a can of Sparkling Kombucha that was given to me by our friend/adviser/test subject Adam. He spied this at a discount store where strange and wonderful things are to be found, particularly bizarre food items. For 60 cents, how could he say no?

First, I know some are going to ask, ‘what the hell is kombucha?’ I’ll tell you. Just be quiet a moment. It sounds like one of these exotic fruits that grow deep in the Amazonian or Thai jungles, plucked precariously from giant trees by nearly naked natives. It’s not. Kombucha is actually a fermented tea created by a bacterial yeast culture, and it has been imbibed by Asians and Russkies for millenia. So it’s a super-fungus that brews its own tea! ‘Wait, what?’ Yeah.

After pouring the light greenish fizzy fluid into a cup, I took a big whiff, and instantly caught the scent of fermentation. There was also a hint of the juniper berries used. Being kind of a fan of fermented beverages, I took a sip to test the flavor. Ferment-y, with some tea flavor. Not really catching the smaller ingredients. It’s a little odd, but not totally unpalatable. I would have to try their other flavors, because I can’t really see myself drinking this to enjoy it, despite the many claims to its positive effects. I also wish it wasn’t carbonated.

Wonder Drink LLC is an independent company out of Portland with line of 8 kombucha centered beverages, and touts the multiple positive effects of drinking kombucha, which seems to be gaining popularity around the world, and you can even make it at home, if you can get a hold of the culture.

Ingredients: Infusion of (water, organic kombucha concentrate, organic green tea, organic juniper berries, organic spearmint leaves, organic lemon myrtle leaves), organic cane juice, carbonation.

A little too fizzy and odd to enjoy on the porch with a book, but maybe with my next body-cleansing session.

Score: 2.5 out of 5.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Kombucha Wonder Drink