Better Libations | Healthy Drink Reviews

Almost forgot the photo . . .

I’ve been absent for several weeks, much to my own dismay, spending a great deal of that time packing, cleaning and frantically moving, so my internet and beverage duties fell to the wayside.  A thousand apologies.  I’m back, thankfully, with my second-to-last purity.organic review, and a rebuttal, posted below, to the Half & Half Danithius reviewed.  Hopefully I will be much more prompt with my reviews, as I already have the next four lined up in my fridge.  Sorry for my absence and the delay with these particular reviews.  On with the show.

My first inclination at opening this is to assume it is going to be much like a strawberry lemonade, particularly from the aroma.   My first sip does not oppose this thesis, it actually reinforces it with quite a lemony kick.  Maybe more like a sour boot heel to the chin.  It leads in briefly with a berry sweetness, then the tartness and lemon-sour attack my flavor-receptors with a combo that lasts.  I thought I might build up an immunity to this, but after a few more mouthfuls, the prognosis was negative. If tastes could hurt you, this would have bruised my tongue.

The strawberry continues to remain evident only at first, but vanishes under a jaw-tightening pucker, being completely overwhelmed by the lemon.  A curious and possible cause for this may be the fact they have used lemon juice, lemon juice concentrate and lemon emulsion, compared with just strawberry puree.  There is also aronia berry (chokeberry) juice, which is naturally astringent.  Even the 28 g of sugar per serving doesn’t tone down the tartness and sourness of this beverage.  I may be stressing this too much.

It is definitely a unique flavor combo, but it was just too much for me.  Even regular strawberry lemonade isn’t even this sour.   I just wasn’t prepared for such a foray into the less forgiving territories of my taste-buds.  I’ve never quite had a drink like this before, but I’m not so sure that I want to try it again.  I never enjoy giving a less than favorable review, but I feel obligated to state my personal experience and opinion.  I can’t write reviews like this, it just isn’t my style.  Others may fully enjoy this beverage, but I had a hard time finishing it.

Score: 2.5 out of 5. A puckering excursion into the sour parts of Strawberry Paradise.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Purity.Organics drink reviews, organic

Greetings, Libationers!  Today I’m pleased to bring you another flavor from Sweet Leaf.  Today I’m tackling their lemonade.

Now let me state from the start that I have never had much luck with pre-bottled lemonade.  It’s really, really hard to find anything that doesn’t taste like a tin can of super-fake lemon concentrate.  Sweet Leaf has had some solid entries in the past, though, so I’m willing to give them a try.

Let’s crack it open…

Fragrance – yep, smells like lemon all right.  I do detect a little bit of that concentrate scent, too.  (You know, the stuff from the little yellow plastic squeeze-lemon).

Taste – while it’s better than some other bottled lemonades that I’ve had, I still just can’t get over that concentrate taste.  It just feels fake.  The sweetness level is just right, and it could be great if it just tasted like a fresh lemon.  But there’s just no getting around the fake taste.

To be fair to Sweet Leaf, there is only one bottled lemonade that I have ever really enjoyed, and that’s Simply Lemonade.  (Which is pasteurized and kept under refrigeration like other fresh juices).  It may be comparing apples to oranges here, but in order for me to like a lemonade it has to taste like real lemons!  I simply can’t get over the concentrate taste.

Rating: 2.0 out of 5 – A worthy effort, but it still tastes like plastic lemons.

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2-Star Reviews, Sweet Leaf drink reviews

This soda company has been around for quite a long time, it was founded back in 1980 in New Mexico.  In 2000, Hansen Beverage Company picked it up, moving the operation to California.  In all that time, I have never tried it, despite being available just about everywhere in the U.S.  The can design is still highly reminiscent of the company’s roots, complete with an airborne raptor in the logo.

Enough with the history lesson, on to the test.  Pulling back the tab, it reminds me of just about any other citrus soda, that olfactory tang of citric acid is very apparent.  It tastes okay, citrus-y and sweet, but only vaguely of grapefruit.  The aftertaste leaves the underlying dryness usually left by a grapefruit, so there is that.  The sweetness lingers on even longer.  This is due to the 38 g of sugar in the 12 oz can, on par with Coca-Cola.  Also, very carbonated.

Many of their other sodas have fewer calories than this, The Daily Plate lists them.  Despite the high sugar, they proudly proclaim that their natural sodas are “made without artificial flavors, colors, preservatives, caffeine, sodium, GMOs or high fructose corn syrup.”  There are also only four ingredients in the can, carbonated water, sugar, citric acid and natural grapefruit flavor. Excellent.  Do you need to use so much sugar, though?

I appreciate a company striving to remain all natural, using as few ingredients as possible, and having such a large, varied line, but in this particular drink my expectations overshot a little bit.  The flavor didn’t quite cut it for me, and the sugar content is much higher than we like to see in a soda.  Overall it was nothing special, but I still want to try their other drinks.

Score: 2 out of 5. Too sugary and the flavor falls short, more fizz than grapefruit.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Blue Sky all natural

Alright, folks, time to try another soda from oogave.  (Check out our other oogave reviews).  Today I’m trying their cola flavor – the benchmark flavor of any self-respecting soda company.  I wonder how it’ll stack up.  Side note: my current favorite is the surprisingly complex Red Bull Cola – it tickles my fancy as a chef with its unique ingredients, and the flavor tickles my tongue like a good cola should.

I crack open the bottle and am greeted by a peculiar fragrance – something between a root beer, a cola, and a bite of something I can’t quite put my finger on… let’s see how this comes out in the flavor.

Well, the bite part came through a little bit, but not so much on the root beer and cola flavors.  In fact, it’s hard to pick up any distinct flavors in this.  How can I best describe it?  It’s flat.  Hollow.  It has no real body and a weak, astringent finish.  It lacks the sweetness of the other flavors (all of oogave’s current flavors have 24 grams of sugar per 12 oz bottle, and most of them do very well with that relatively small amount.)  It doesn’t say “cola” to me, nor does it remind me of any soda flavor.  It’s like very watered-down molasses mixed with citric acid.

Rating: 2.0 out of 5 - Healthy concept, but the flavor just isn’t there.

-Danithius-

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2-Star Reviews, oogave

Please welcome the belated poster-drink of the “Me Generation”!  I found this tangerine-pineapple flavored beverage cylinder amongst its equally brightly-colored brothers on the shelf of my local health food store.  As I always do when encountering new drinks, I flipped it over and checked the ingredients.  And the primary sweetener was: fructose!  Not high-fructose corn syrup, mind you.  Just fructose.  Eyebrows raised, I read on.  They also used 13% juice concentrate, some erythritol, and something called “oligofructose” as additional sweeteners.  (My eyebrows went up even further when I saw the last one.)  I did some preliminary research on oligofructose over a few different sites, and I didn’t find any negative health claims.  Evidently it’s supposed to be good for the ol’ colon, and it doesn’t add many calories, if any.

And the grand total for all of these sweeteners was: 17 grams for a 10 oz can.  Not too shabby.  So how does the flavor measure up?

Well, all I can say is that this is an incredibly tame tangerine-pineapple flavor.  It tastes like very lightly flavored, lightly sweetened seltzer water.  I want to taste the tropical bite of the pineapple, and the distinct citrus notes from the tangerine.  I want them to come out and hit me square in the taste buds, not skulk around in the aftertaste. And the flavor notes that I do manage to pick up have that distinct “from concentrate” feel to them.

One section of the can has a little blurb praising all things “me”.  Here’s a couple lines:

“You can be energetic, reflective, outgoing, moody, surprising, and unashamed.  You don’t fit a category – you are unique.  Now there is a beverage as natural and refreshing as you.”

While I am thankful for the “you are special” blurb on the side of the can, what I need first and foremost from my drink is to taste good, not to suck up to me. This drink isn’t bad, per se, it just has nothing memorable about it.  This beverage is supposed to serve as a living metaphor for someone’s unique personality?  I can’t help but wonder what personality they based it on.  Librarians*?

You can check out their site at www.findyourme.com to see bright colors and new ways to revel in your sassy, unique personality.  They have a personality quiz that will match you with your “Me” flavor.  Evidently I should have bought “Curiosity” – maybe I should reserve judgment until I try the flavor that was genetically engineered for me?  …nah.

Rating: 2.0 out of 5 – It’s all about health and flavor, and this just didn’t deliver on the latter.

-Danithius-

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*Librarians of the world, forgive me for using a cliched stereotype.  I know there are plenty of deeply interesting librarians out there.  Feel free to replace the word “librarian” with whatever stereotype librarians like to make fun of.

2-Star Reviews, Me drink reviews

I contracted a cold sometime during the past 24 hours, and I am currently bombarding my immune system with everything I have, hoping something drives away whatever nasty bacteria or virus has turned my throat into a petri dish.  Having had plenty of tea already, I decided to break out this Green Tea Soda to see if the 35 mg of EGCG would have any effect.

I can already tell we’re going to have a carbonation problem here; it’s so strong it downplays the tea and tangerine scents right out of the can.  Taking a swig, I get a mouthful of bubbles that subside into an awkwardly fizzy green tea flavor, then comes the tangerine, sweet and timid.  Even after I shook most of the carbonation out of the can, the flavors really don’t pop out, vanishing quickly and leaving me with a vague, orangy-sweet taste in my mouth.

The sugar seems a little high, 44 g per can, but the sweetness is just about right for this mixture.  The only other thing this brings with it is the antioxidants, no vitamins or even a drop of juice, just fruit and tea extracts and cane sugar.  Overall I was not impressed with this soda, and I don’t believe tea should be carbonated, especially to this degree.

Score: 2.5 out of 5. Weak flavors and waaay too much carbonation ruin this tea soda.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Hansen's drink reviews, green tea

Hey there, Libationers!  Sorry for our abscence, but WiseGuise and I were attending a prestigious international black-tie beverage gala.  What, you’ve never heard of such a thing?  Well obviously they have to be held with the utmost secrecy – those damn paparazzi would have a field day if they knew about it!

Now it’s time for another entry from Honest Tea.  This sultry bottle of Citrus Spice Decaf caught my eye from the top shelf at the grocery store, and I knew then and there I had to have it!  Sweet citrus and savory spices combined with decaffinated black tea – just looking at it made me all warm and fuzzy.

Aroma – I crack it open and am met with the deep savory smell of cinnamon and cloves with hints of the orange and black tea background.

Taste – The complex splash of orange spice flavor is quickly overpowered by the bitterness of the black tea (or possibly some of the spices).  That bitterness short-circuits my tongue’s flavor receptors for a couple seconds, and then it slowly yields to the longer-lasting clove, cinnamon, and cardamom tastes.  There is a ton of spice in this bottle – you can actually see large bits of it floating everywhere within the glass bottle.

Have you ever tasted straight cinnamon or clove powder?  Sure, they smell great, but if you eat them straight, you’re in for a bitter, nasty surprise.  The sheer amount of spice in this bottle plus the natural bitterness of black tea make for quite a wallop.  Combine that with the overall lack of sugar content (a miniscule 5g per 8oz serving), and you have one seriously bitter brew.  If you like your coffee, tea, and liquor straight up, then you could probably handle it.  If you’re one of those pansies like me who wants a little cream and sugar, you should probably stick with the “just a tad sweet” entries.

To Honest Tea, I would recommend either more sugar to compensate for the bitter flavor, or the addition of other flavors to minimize (or at least compete with) the bitterness.  I know it’s weird to have a healthy drink blog ask for more sugar, but you must remember, we’re all about the perfect combination of health and flavor.

Rating: 2.5/5 – a solid premise, but just too bitter on delivery.

-Danithius-

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2-Star Reviews, Honest Tea drink reviews

Aroma: Slightly honeyed carbonated water.

Taste: A rather weak ginger flavor with a slight hit of honey.

Price: $1.15 at a local health food store. Available nationwide at Whole Foods, Wild Oats, and a whole bunch of other national stores.

Ingredients: Purified carbonated water, honey, citric acid, oil of lemon, orange, and ginger.

Other Comments: I found this old draft kicking around in my queue and figured I’d finally hit the “publish” key.  It’s been there for a looooong time now, so my memory is scant, I just remember it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Rating: 2.0/5 stars.

-Danithius-

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2-Star Reviews, Dr. Tima

Snapple's ties to Dharma remain shrouded in mystery

Here’s Snapple’s “me too!” for the “Enhanced Water” beverage category.  This one only uses regular sugar and fruit juice, which is a good thing.  It has 11g per cup, about 27g per bottle.  Not too bad.  Let’s pop it open.

It smells like grapeskin and liquid smarties.  That’s the first thing that jumped to my mind, seriously.  Has anyone thought of marketing liquid smarties?  Billion dollar idea, my friend.  You’re welcome.

And the flavor?  It makes me stand up and deliver a solid “Meh”.  There is almost no sweetness, and it’s topped by a nearly undetectable berry flavor.  It has a bit of after-pucker, too – a lingering sour sensation in the back of your throat that’s likely from the grapeseed extract.    Pretty much, it’s water with pucker.

Look Snapple, I won’t condemn you for learning from other companies and trying to emulate their success.  That’s part of business.  But one word of advice – if you’re going to jump on a bandwagon, you have to bring something more interesting than everyone else, not less.  You have to improve on the product in some significant way.  Otherwise you’ll just be that one smelly guy on the wagon that no one wants to sit by.  And no one wants that.

Rating: 2/5 – It has some good ingredients, but the flavor fizzles out bigtime.

-Danithius-

User Reviews – (1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)
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2-Star Reviews, Snapple drink reviews

Talking Rain in the dark

Even after my last dismal review of a Talking Rain beverage, we have had more luck with the Twist line, and seeing this marionberry flavor depressed and alone on the shelf, I decided to give them another chance.

The marionberry is a type of blackberry, for those unfamiliar with the fruit.  Not to be confused with Marion Barry, a politician famously arrested on drug charges (early nineties, kids).  There is in fact a very potent, sweet berry scent wafting from the bottle, quite reminiscent of blackberries.  A hint of sour is also palpable.

Upon taking a swig, I noticed an all too familiar tartness that stayed with the whole mouthful, and then a hint of the marionberry.  The pineapple filler juice is also evident.  The sour taste comes from a dash of malic acid, because I didn’t need to enjoy the milder berry flavor, apparently.  Malic acid is how they make you pucker up from all those super-sour candies.  I’m not sure why they added this, possibly assuming the miniscule bit of berry juice used would equal the tartness of a real mouthful of berries.  They seem to forget that that isn’t what you want here.

Well, it seems my faith was misplaced again, and although it was completely drinkable, I don’t think it was exactly what it could have been.  Talking Rain may need to work a little bit on their flavor department.

Score: 2.5 out of 5.  Weak on flavor, too much sour.

– WiseGuise

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2-Star Reviews, Talking Rain drink reviews, Talking Rain