I'm green with. . .protein

Every once in a while I get an urge to try a protein drink, despite their notoriously gritty texture and ugly mouthfeel, mostly because I go to the gym and need the most protein without the added calories of fat and carbohydrates.  These experiments usually end with a grimace and a vow never to drink another one, but I inevitably forget and see something new.  That brings you today’s post, Mix 1 Key Lime ‘enhanced protein shake’!

Now, it isn’t fair to characterize all protein drinks as a horrible experience, that has just been my sum of experiences.  The idea behind it isn’t to enjoy a smooth, delicious beverage, it’s to pack a ton of protein into your body so you can blow out every major muscle group you have doing power cleans and bench pressing while groaning like a geriatric.  Protein builds and maintains muscle, and eating too much doesn’t necessarily harm you, your body uses what it needs and disposes of the rest.

It smells exactly how I expected it to, like a lime flavored protein shake. The taste is better than I anticipated, smooth and not as thick as I suspected it to be.  The sweetness is very light, and the lime is bold and sour, almost to the point of tasting artificial.  The ingredient list denies this, listing only juice concentrate (lime, apple) and citric acid.  This goes down surprisingly well, smooth and not a single bit of grit.  Overall this was much better than I hoped it would be, leaving only a milky feeling in my mouth due to the whey protein isolate, a milk by-product.  A large amount of vitamins and minerals was added, 23 total, with 15 g of protein and plenty of antioxidants.  Calories come in at 200 for the 11 oz bottle, but only 22 g of sugars.

Drinking this has changed my mind quite a bit on what a protein drink can be like; it doesn’t have to be a harrowing journey into an abyss of gag-inducing textures from gritty, tasteless mixes than slide down your throat like a stagnant oily slurry.  They can actually taste good.

Score: 4.5 out of 5. A tasty, smooth entry into a world of thick, gritty protein shakes.

– WiseGuise

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4-Star Reviews, Mix1 all natural, independent company

Simple designs are not always boring

I came by this simple looking can at my local Sunflower Market, and I liked the design and possibility of trying a new flavor from this established company, and though their reviews here have not yet broken past a 3, I’m more than willing to give a company another chance.  Also, I was thirsty and this was on sale.  Everyone wins!

Sparkling water doesn’t usually agree with me, and this isn’t quite an exception, but close.  The fizziness doesn’t totally turn me off, and I hear some people like that sort of thing.  The scents are understated but tangible, the cranberry doesn’t walk over the grapefruit or vice versa.  The taste is about the same, tame and fairly equal, although the grapefruit wins out for the aftertaste.  The fruitiness is light, as is the sweetness, 24 g of cane sugar in this 10.5 oz can (far below our benchmark can-of-Coke).  Aftertaste is pleasant and sweet, no dry-mouth or cotton-tongue.

Hansen’s seems to still be doing business independently, with several different lines of drinks and several new products like this one. I also noticed that they are quite open about their financial information and any inter-company agreements, so kudos on the transparency.  As for the beverage, I found the taste to be quite enjoyable, cranberry and grapefruit mix surprisingly well.  The carbonation was a little too intense for me, although others may enjoy it far more, I’m not a sparkling water kind of guy.

Score: 4 out of 5. A natural, fizzy sparkling water with the right amount of taste and sugar.

– WiseGuise

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4-Star Reviews, Hansen's all natural, independent company

Time to try out another entry from Zevia, the number one soda from our top 10 list of 2009.  Zevia already has a good lineup of soda flavors, including a lemon-lime, a cola, a ginger ale, and a root beer.  Following the soda chain of command, Zevia has developed a flavor called Dr. Zevia.  (Perhaps an ubercaffienated Zevia Dew is next?)  I like Dr. Pepper’s flavor anyway, so I’m curious to see what Zevia does with it.  So without further ado…

Fragrance: I smell a light, sweet cherry scent that reminds me of Zevia’s Black Cherry flavor, except not as deep.

Taste: Cherry is the prominent player in this flavor, backed up by hints of cola and spices.  It is similar to Dr. Pepper, but with more of a fruity twist.  In fact, it’s exactly what I imagine Dr. Pepper Cherry tastes like.  It’s pleasantly fizzy and just sweet enough.  A lot of flavor comes out in the aftertaste, too, possibly because of Zevia’s use of flavor oils.  As with the other Zevia flavors (or any stevia/erythritol-sweetened drinks), you can tell that there is something different from sugar-sweetened drinks.  But I find the stevia flavor to be much more palate-pleasing than any artificial sweetener.

Health: We’re all about natural at BL, and Zevia is good at that.  (They were the first all-natural diet soda, actually).  The stevia/erythritol sweetening combo delivers the illusive package of flavor and health properties.  It’s hard to argue with zero carbs, zero calories, and zero glycemic index.  I dare say that if we as a country were able to cut even half of our liquid sugar intake, we’d be in a whole lot better shape.  And Zevia is one great way to do it without sacrificing your penchant for sweet bubbly liquid.

Overall: This is another solid entry for Zevia.  Think of Dr. Pepper with a fruitier, cherry twist.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

-Danithius-

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***Review Rebuttal!***

I agree with Danithius, which renders this less a rebuttal than a yes-man follow-up.  The taste is slightly reminiscent of a Dr. or Mr. soda, with that obvious cherry kick at the end. I like the oils and flavors Esteban added, giving this soda an original taste that is sorely needed among the copycat formulation heavily prevalent in the industry.  Another win by Zevia!

4-Star Reviews, Zevia

Welcome back, healthy libation-lovers!  It’s once again time to announce the 10 best healthy drinks that we’ve reviewed in the previous year.  In deciding our favorite whistle-whetters, we took into account a variety of factors, like flavor, sugar content, originality, and corporate eco-friendliness/overall philosophy.  This year had some exciting changes in the beverage industry, as we saw companies big and small getting on the healthy-alternative bandwagon. Buckle up, grab your own favorite beverage and read on!

Red Bull – Simply Cola

WiseGuise: This is Red Bull’s delicious attempt to break into the cola market with an all-natural soda that is loaded with complex flavors, coming off very well against its mighty competitors. I once believed this to be a flash-in-the-pan sort of thing, but I am seeing it more often in gas stations and grocery stores, a sign that this palate-pleaser might be here to stay.

Danithius: This stuff thrills me from a pure foodie perspective. The ingredient list reads like a spice catalog! Who puts mace and mustard seed in their cola, for crying out loud?? But it works so well for it, delivering a complex, refreshing, and very delicious cola. Yes, it is still loaded with sugar. (Why do you think it’s number 10?) But when you’re in the mood for a good cola, it’s hard to do it better than this. All-natural, excellent flavor, and it’s not too sweet.

Fizz Ed Pomegranate Cherry

Danithius: Fizz Ed is still in the game after making last year’s list, churning out a couple of new flavors to add to their previously sparse repertoire. We like them because they are working for positive change in the beverage habits of kids and adults alike. Smaller can sizes, low sugar, and real fruit juice sweetener make this stuff sing. This new flavor in particular has a sweet-tart flavor that rounds out their selection nicely.

WiseGuise: Although I haven’t tried this particular flavor yet, I found all others to be enjoyable, and have to agree with Danithius. Fizz Ed is doing what we need to see more of: healthier drinks that appeal to a younger generation and adults alike.

Function: Night Life

WiseGuise: This first top score for Function came with some sensuous claims about its additives’ effect on sexual potency, and an equally impressive flavor. Function’s other drinks also deserve an honorable mention, the majority pleasing to our mouths, minds and souls. Function is a company dedicated to helping people live better through chemistry. Keep it up, Dr. Alex.

Danithius: I have not yet had the privilege of imbibing this purported virility-enhancing “sexy tonic”, but I do support the idea behind the brand. A medical doctor who’s devoted his life to formulating healthier drinks for a thirsty populace? Kudos to you, Doc.

Sweet Leaf Mint & Honey Green Tea

Danithius: This stuff makes your taste buds sit up and sing. I was immediately addicted. It’s simple, it’s fresh-tasting, and it’s delicious. It does have more sugar than similar flavors over at Honest Tea, but wow, do they use those sugar grams well! And it is still a lot better for you than many of the syrupy-sweet alternatives out there.

WiseGuise: I still haven’t tried this?!? What is wrong with me? Being the fancier of tea that I am, I feel slightly ashamed of myself, I think I’ll go brew myself a glass of tea right now.

SoBe LifeWater – Fuji Apple Pear

WiseGuise: What would a Best of list be without LifeWater? SoBe remains a heavy hitter for us, nailing home-runs on flavor, sugar content and overall appeal. This is quite a popular flavor, I’ve turned many onto LifeWater with this, even those leery of ‘flavored waters.’ The jury is still out on stevia and erythritol, but until we hear otherwise, we will continue to enjoy these magical offerings.

Danithius: I love this stuff! It is the first zero-calorie LifeWater that I tried, and it left a big impression on me. I didn’t think I would ever like a “zero-cal” drink, but with its combo of natural erythritol and stevia leaf extract, SoBe won me over with this one.

Oogave Watermelon Cream

Danithius: The folks at Oogave were kind enough to send us a sampler pack of their flavors, and I really loved this Watermelon Cream. It was deliciously sweet without packing in a lot of sugar grams – evidently a trait of their singular sweetener, agave nectar. And Oogave’s attitude as a company was equally refreshing, putting an emphasis on consumer health and moderation. Now that’s a much-needed yet all-too-rare outlook that I wish Oogave could somehow put into virus form and sneeze all over their big-soda counterparts with it!

WiseGuise: Although I personally found some of their drinks too sweet for my delicate taste-buds, I found the grapefruit soda rather intriguing, something I have not come across before or since. It’s a tricky flavor to use, but they managed to make it enjoyable. Oogave is doing right by departing from the main soda flock and using an alternative, natural sweetener that I wish I saw more of, in moderation, of course.

Honest Ade Superfruit Punch

Danithius: Honest Ade is an excellent addition to Honest Tea’s lineup of healthy beverages, and this flavor in particular really got me by the brain banana. And only 12 grams of sugar per serving? That’s icing on the cake. (Sensible icing. Not that three-inch thick crap you buy at CostCo.) I really don’t know how they get so much sweetness and taste with such a low sugar content, but I love it! This Superfruit Punch uses the juice from well-known antioxidant “superfruits” goji and yumberry. And the best part is, they don’t charge you forty bucks per bottle for it! (Nor do they try and get you to sell the stuff to your friends and family).

WiseGuise: Again, a drink I, sadly, have not tried. I have imbibed several other Honest Ades, and have enjoyed them all to varying degrees. These so-called “superfruits” are becoming more popular every year, so I’m curious, when will they will be demoted to regular fruits? I mean, if you never had a banana before and then tried one, it would blow your mind, man. Super banana.

Jones GABA Lemon Honey Tea

Danithius: Jones Soda has been doing some wonderful things with their product lines over the last few years. It’s almost like they got ahold of our dream diary or something… First, they eliminated HFCS from all of their soda lines, and for that alone they deserve some props. But they didn’t rest there – they also created several non-carbonated drink lines that are right up our alley. They made an organics line, an all-natural juice drink line, a Life/Vitaminwater-esque line (which we still have to try, by the way! Why can we not find this in any stores out here?), and the GABA line. I was particularly impressed by GABA. It already had the base elements of a good review, which are low sugar content and good flavor. But what really put it over the top for me is that it did what it said it would do. I get so jaded from nutritional product claims that when one actually comes through, it’s a huge surprise.  GABA says that it will give you increased awareness and mental clarity, and I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t tested it out for myself. I waited until I had a particularly long and boring meeting at work to pop open my GABA. Conveniently, I had gotten hardly any sleep the night before. But after downing my Lemon Honey Tea, I made it through the entire thing without even the slightest feeling of drowsiness. I was perfectly awake and alert for the entire time. That never happened to me at those meetings! So for me, the proof was in the pudding for GABA.

WiseGuise: I don’t think I can mention anything that Sir Danithius hasn’t already covered, Jones GABA does what it claims. I managed to sneak a few shots of it at last year’s PAX convention, which helped me get through the tedium of waiting in lines for L4D2 and shoving through tightly-packed crowds of pale, gamey game-fans. I just wish I had one right now.

Honest Tea – Organic Lemon Black Tea

WiseGuise: Honest Tea—all Honest products for that matter—has always been one of our favorite beverages around the offices here at Better Libations, and this iced tea did not disappoint. By far the best iced tea I have ever personally had out of a bottle, it rivaled a fresh-brewed tea in pure enjoyability, and that’s saying something. Honest Tea will always have a place in my heart as long as they keep making products like this.

Danithius: Mmm-mmm, Honest Tea. Really, how could you not love them? They have something for everyone. Are you a super-hippie environmentalist? Look no further for USDA certified organic and fair-trade products. A cheapskate? Honest Tea costs the same as most any other bottled beverage. A foodie? Honest Tea uses high-quality ingredients and routinely delivers fresh, delicious flavors. A rabid weight-watcher? You have a huge selection of low-calorie, low-sugar teas to choose from, some of which are even no-calorie! Honest Tea’s tea line really delivers some of the healthiest stuff you can get from the mass-market.

Zevia – Natural Twist

WiseGuise: Zevia was kind enough to send us a large amount of beverages after Danithius’ first reviews, and after they re-formulated their products. Our reactions were generally quite positive; we both have become advocates of stevia use, and enjoy seeing it in more products. This particular entry was my personal favorite, and I made quick work of my supply.

Danithius: Zevia was a part of a huge change in the beverage industry this year, namely the reinstatement of stevia as a GRAS (Generally Recognized As Safe) ingredient by the FDA. (The reason it got banned in the first place is still quite sketchy). The crazy part is, Zevia was operating under the radar as a stevia-sweetened soda even before that happened! They were able to do it by marketing themselves as a “dietary supplement”. Ha! I reviewed a couple of their flavors in those days, but I was not impressed with them at all. But when the news of stevia’s GRAS status hit, Zevia really took the bull by the horns and made the most of the new opportunity. They completely redesigned their flavors and their overall label design. And when this was done, they contacted us at BL to let us know about the makeover, and even sent us a sample pack of the new flavors. We were so impressed with the improvement that we gave all of their flavors a 4.0 or higher – two even scored a perfect 5.0! (Natural Cola for me, Natural Twist for WiseGuise). Zevia has proven they have both a feisty spirit and the good business sense to capitalize on a golden opportunity. They have been steadfastly advocating stevia use for years, believing in its potential as a healthy alternative sweetener. Kudos for sticking to your guns, Zevia! (Stevia really does have a torrid history, look it up sometime if you haven’t already!)

And thus ends the Top 10 Best Healthy Drinks list for 2009.  Thanks to all those drink companies who are going out and terrorizing the status quo every day.  Keep fighting the good fight!  Health-conscious libations-lubbers from the world over are cheering you on!

Awards, Lists

Retro is in . . . again!

Last year, I began this post with all intentions of finishing it, after I heard the news of Pepsi’s ‘Throwback’ experiment.  I speculated a little on their reasons, mostly whether or not the mounting HFCS backlash had anything to do with it, and planned a long diatribe on using a planned fad disguised as nostalgia to mask another layer of a market experiment.  Needless to say, it got pushed back, and the eight-week run of the stuff ended, the sodas disappeared, and the post was largely forgotten, buried amongst review corpses in the drafts folder.

The idea resurfaced again when Pepsi rolled out another round of  Throwback’s with different designs back in December.  This week, a co-worker showed up toting a twelve pack of it into the break room, and invited me to have one at my leisure.  I put it off for a few days, then grudgingly accepted the open offer on an experimental basis.  I sat down for lunch with a can, and snagged a regular Pepsi out of the soda machine with an idea.  I would write about the marketing angle, and throw in a taste test for good measure.  Now, since I don’t care for Pepsi much, I feel I can remain unbiased when it comes to the taste difference.

The Test: I pulled two paper cups from the water machine and set up my taste test on the table, Pepsi on the left and Throwback on the right.  My palate cleaner sat ready at my elbow for better distinguishing of tastes.  I began with the classic, and was greeted with pretty much what I expected; the Pepsi was syrupy-sweet and over-carbonated, with a slight acidic tang to it.  The sweetness lingered like a sweet glove on my tongue.  I readied my tongue again and had my first ever taste of the Throwback.  The sweetness was more pronounced, but not syrupy, it reminded me of table sugar melting on my tongue.  The carbonation was surprisingly lighter, not giving as much bite as the regular Pepsi.  the same acidic tang is there, but the sweetness fades away much quicker that the HFCS does.  If I had to choose, I would pick the Throwback over the regular Pepsi.  I still don’t care for it, though.

The Complaint: Now that I got that out of the way, I can focus on the more important implications of this second run of Throwback sodas.  The first run came with a press release lavished with self-praise over their new, nostalgic sodas.  In a Throwback review on  BevReview, a Nicole Bradley of Pepsi-Cola North America Beverages noted that, “these products were not created because of any health concerns…”  Many have a hard time believing this, due to the soda industry’s near dependence on HFCS to keep costs lower, and the (at the time) escalating backlash. The corn industry was already leading their own ‘information’ campaign, yet SoBe, a subsidiary of Pepsi, began switching their products to sucrose from HFCS at the same time.  Sugar still isn’t good for you, but many see it as better than HFCS, and the industry must ultimately bend to the will of the consumer if they can’t convince them.

I see this as Pepsi testing the waters of a sugar switch, at least on a small scale, to see how their consumer base reacts.  The reaction has been generally positive; the first run of Throwback sold out, and the second seems to be well on its way to doing so as well.  I’m sure Pepsi is far from ever considering switching their entire supply back to sucrose (the sugar in the Throwback’s being a combination of cane and beet sugars), but the timing may hint at their apprehension with the stirrings in the soda-drinking population about HFCS.  We’ve talked plenty about it and the questions and health concerns its use raises, and would be more than happy to see it disappear from use in drinks of any kind, but know this is still wishful thinking, as long as the population at large remains uninformed about and addicted to HFCS.  Let us just consider the Throwback experiment as a nod to those of us who have become informed, and rejoice.

Score: 3 out of 5. I still don’t care for Pepsi, but it tastes better than its HFCS counterpart.

– WiseGuise

User Reviews: (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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3-Star Reviews, Pepsi-Cola, Rants drink reviews, Rants

In this clip, Colbert delivers a wonderfully scathing satirical commentary on America’s excessive consumption.  And guess who’s the star of the show??  Our friend, high-fructose corn syrup!  Yay!!

That’s right, we’re drinking corn! In this video, Colbert refers to corn subsidies that were introduced some decades ago. Basically, the government pays farmers extra money to produce corn. That lets the farmers sell the corn to companies below production costs and still make a profit. It also makes for a market that has corn coming out its ears. (Ha ha.)

So what did those enterprising corporations do with all of that excess cheap corn? What didn’t they do?? They not only invented high-fructose corn syrup, they found a billion other things they could make it into, too! To top it off, they discovered that they could feed it to chicken and cattle to make them grow at an abnormally fast rate. They found every way imaginable to make use of this plentiful crop. And where has it gotten us? Where do we stand today as a society because of this love of corn? Take a look around you next time you’re at Wal-Mart, my friend. From the high-fructose in almost every single food product, to the hundreds of pants-buttons straining against the mass of their owners for release, you’ll see the results everywhere.

-Danithius-

Rants

Today we have another SoBe Lifewater contender up on the chopping block: Strawberry Dragonfruit.

This is another 0-calorie “Lean Machine” Lifewater sweetened exclusively with Stevia and Erythritol.  The other lean machines have surprised me with a depth of flavor and lack of obnoxious aftertaste that I have yet to find in other “diet” products.  As regular BL readers know, we stay away from any artificial sweeteners.  But because Lifewater uses Stevia (a sweet herb) and Erythritol (a natural sugar-alcohol), they make the cut.

Fragrance: Smells like a sweet-tart tropical fruit with a hint of bubblegum.

Taste: Like all the other Lifewaters, this is pleasant and chuggable.  The sweetness level is just right, and it delivers some moderate tropical/floral notes.  But it lacks the distinct flavor profile that I’ve come to enjoy from its fruity brethren.  All in all, it just isn’t enough to make me stand up and take notice.  I expect more from the flavor-formulators over at SoBe!

Summary: Sure, dragonfruit sounds cool.  I mean come on, it’s dragonfruit.  The only way to get a cooler-sounding piece of produce would be to invent ninjafruit or something.  (I’m trademarking that, by the way!)  But the thing is, dragonfruit is one of those items that sounds cool in principle, but then fails to deliver in practice.  I’ve had it fresh; it was like biting into a cardboard-and-poppyseed muffin.  It’s bland.  They could have compensated for its lack of flavor in this Lifewater with a more pronounced strawberry taste, but unfortunately it was nowhere to be found.

Rating: 3.0/5 It has the pleasant sweetness of its brethren, but falls short in the flavor department.

-Danithius-

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3-Star Reviews, SoBe Life Water drink reviews, SoBe lifewater

While browsing at my local Fresh Market (formerly known as Albertson’s in Utah) and came upon this pricey bottle, sold at a staggering $6.79 for the 32 ounces.  But, it was a local product, and in the name of pure curiosity, I grabbed it.  I winced after scanning it, slid my card, and brought my new acquisition home.  The name, MOAB, stands for Most Optimum Antioxidant Beverage, which sounds like a forced acronym with a possible intentional reference to a famous Utah town of the same name.  Mangosteen is a relatively unknown taste for my palate, so I was excited to try it.  The next day, I carefully opened the bottle, careful not to spill the expensive liquid, and the rest, they say, is my post.

I came into this post with equal parts excitement and hesitation, like your first time jumping of the high-dive.  I am immediately wary of anything using the word ’superfruit,’ but I am always more than willing to try something new.    At first smell, the lychee (second ingredient) wallops me with its powerful, delicious scent, with a citrus-y background that should be the mangosteen.  After a sip of the precious fluid, I am amazed at how good it tastes, especially compared to other ’superfruit’ drinks (we will have more to say about them later).  There is a tangy sweetness that isn’t overpowered by the lychee.  There are several other filler juices in here to tame the flavors, but the end result is taste-bud ecstasy.  It’s a little thick, but not unpleasantly so, and not gritty.

Along with the long list of vitamins, antioxidants and other various contents like sterols (don’t worry, they fight cholesterol) there is a great deal of sugar in here.  About 30 g to the 8 oz serving, that’s more than Coke, but at least it’s from fruit.  The truth about mangosteen, as far as I can gather, is that its health claims are highly overblown; the supposed high concentration of nutrients and antioxidants are located in the inedible skin, called the exocarp, and can only be obtained when pureed as a whole or added, adding astringency and a purple color to the juice.  This looks more like a good, pressed, apple cider.

So, although the mangosteen is probably more of a novelty than a superfruit, all the good stuff is in this bottle, including flavor and possible health benefits.  However, there’s a lot of sugar in there too.  And don’t forget about the cost, although it’s a bargain compared to something like Xango.

Score: 4.5 out of 5. Would I purchase it again?  Probably not.  Would I drink it if offered? Hell, yes.  Delicious.

– Wiseguise

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4-Star Reviews, M.O.A.B. drink reviews, mangosteen, superfruit

Hey there Libationers!  I have a new selection here from a company called Jackson Hole Soda Company out of Wyoming.  I found it at Sundance ski resort out here in the great state of Utaw.  I’m still waiting to hear from the company about the sugar content – there is no nutritional information on the bottle.

For the time being, let’s judge this stuff on flavor merit.  A strong berry fragrance emanates from the bottle.  It smells tart and sweet.  I just hope it doesn’t prove too sweet.

I take a swig, and the sweet berry flavor swirls around my tongue.  It’s not too sweet, though, and it packs a surprisingly deep flavor.  Something like a berry cola?  A berry root beer?  It’s a pleasant surprise – there are definitely some bigger players at work than just the berry.  Then again, I’ve never tried a real-life huckleberry, so maybe this is what they taste like?  If so, I have to have one!

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 – a surprisingly tasty, independently bottled old-fashioned soda

Danithius

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4-Star Reviews, Jackson Hole Soda Co. drink reviews

Crazy mosaic of Jones-ness decorates the bottle

Greetings, Libationers!  Today I’m tackling an interesting flavor contender by Jones Soda.  First off, props to Jones for getting off the HFCS (high-fructose corn syrup) bandwagon way back in ‘06.  That switch is the reason we can review their sodas – as you know, we don’t dig the HFCS.  But alas, while Jones does offer interesting soda flavors, it is still just flavored sugar-water, with no actual fruit juice or significant vitamins to sweeten the deal.  (At least this is the case with this particular flavor.  We did reviews of their new GABA line, which were a different story).  And wow, there is a lot of sugar in this thing.  46 grams for one 12-ounce bottle – that’s 15 teaspoons of sugar in this one bottle, people!

OK, with that said, let’s get down to business.  I crack open the multicolored bottle, and it explodes a cloud of fruity mist all over my face.  I must have shaken it up on the way back from the fridge.  It does give me an immediate sense of the beverage’s smell, however, which is acutely indescribable.  It’s like… it’s like… ow.  My brain is crying out in protest as I try to pluck out a single word to assign this product.  I have to break out the big guns for this one – excuse me while I grab a wine glass.

OK, here we go.  I swirl and sniff and swirl some more, trying to take it all in.  Hang on… OK, I think I have something.  I can’t produce a specific word for this stuff, so you’ll have to make do with a metaphor.  Imagine every kind of fruity candy and bubblegum that you see at your grocery store’s checkout stand.  Now imagine the checkout stands of all the grocery stores from all across the world.  With me?  OK, now all of those candies are placed in a single giant blender somewhere in northern Texas.  Hit “frappe” on that thing, and take a big whiff of the resulting product.  Yeah.  It’s like that.

Even the color is strange on this liquid.  It’s a translucent greenish color, like pond water in sunlight.

After all the drama that came from just smelling this stuff, I’m afraid to actually put it in my mouth!  I might break something in my tongue.  But no, I must press on, for the greater good!  Here goes nothing…

Ow, my brain… so many flavors… arghh…

I don’t know what the long-term effects of this thing will be… If I don’t make another post within a week’s time, please, someone send out a rescue crew.

Rating: 3.0 out of 5 – Loaded with sugar, but good when you need a thorough mind-blow.

-Danithius- (I think?)

User Rating: (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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3-Star Reviews, Jones Soda Co. drink reviews, reviews